I am so screwed.

I just finished my calculus test and am now facing a painful stage of defeat pain and self pity. Being capable was the only thing I had going for me and now I most definitely will have an F in math. I have become nothing. Ibdon't know what my problem is. I do the homework and I review over practice twsta and I go 'yea! Ibget this. It's not that hard. ' Then the testvis in front of me and I read. Andbi go blanks. A knawing of anciety takes over me and I find myswlf frantically trying to make senae of the jumble on the paper. When had I gotten into this mentality? Why am I so fearful? Now it's all over. Yes, most of what I type will be overdramatic. But the these feelings are cold reality to me. I have no future. I am a failure. I want to give up.why is everything in my life so unsatisfactory?
Gaaaah! I can't even scream in frustration!  So used to silencing may lf and screaming in my head. I'll probably be a mental case by 30. Dammit I hate being this pathetic. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

So my sister got into an accident...

And the fucker who annihilated her car did the classic hit and run. We're at the doctor's to check on her bruising. ..

I know what I'm doing.

This has happened multiple times. I'm trying to try a new project to "better" myself. Of course, I know this probably will end up as  just another of my failed attempts at journal writing. I cannot remember a single time when I have voluntarily started a journal and finished it. Well, there's still time to change that I suppose.

Haha, I'm starting this on a rather positive note aren't I? That won't be happening often. If I do end up continuing this blog I'm sure it will reveal me as a rather negative, juvenile, and cynical person. Sarcasm, a most underappreciated verbal form, I hope will reign supreme in this blog. If not, I will know I've lost my touch. I find myself rambling which I will take as a signal to wrap this up.

Well! Let the blogging commence!